Disclaimer: This article in no way intends to promote drinking or irresponsible use of alcohol. If you get slammed, plastered, hammered, sloshed, whammed, or call your friend 'Ralph' on the big white telephone, it isn't our fault.
Sip your drink if:
- A Win95 user sits down in front of your computer and asks you how you changed the bitmap on the 'Start' button.
- You use Alpha-release software for mission-critical work
- You lose your mouse cursor after shutting down Lotus Organizer
- Esther Schindler bets you a big bar of chocolate
- You have more than 5 tasks running at the same time
- You are angry at Mary Jo Foley but you don't remember exactly why
- You are angry at Sandy Reed but you don't remember exactly why
- You've ever read OS/2 Magazine
- You've ever read OS/2 Professional
- You know who Will Zachmann is
- Ziff Davis reports the death of OS/2
Swig your drink if:
- CHKDSK at boot-up takes longer than the time it takes you to microwave a pizza
- Your swap file grows larger than your copy of SmartSuite
- Your background bitmap collection is larger than your copy of SmartSuite
- You're looking forward to the year 2000 so you can earn supreme Told-You-So rights
- You stare stupidly at the Shutdown confirmation dialog for five minutes before you realize you don't have Process Commander or CAD Commander installed
- You scroll too fast with the arrow keys in the System Editor and it beeps a recognizable tune
- InJoy redials so fast you get the same IP address as before and your download goes uninterrupted
- When using VoiceType Navigation you end commands with "Dude" (as in, "Open Window... Dude")
- Every time your OS/2 machine crashes at home, you blame it on hardware; every time your Windows 95 machine crashes at work, you blame it on Microsoft
- You ask computer manufacturers if they will preload OS/2 not because you think they will, but because you enjoy the sound of fear on their voice when they ask you to, "hold, please."
- You wear a T-shirt that says "Kiss me, I multitask"
- 32 Bits Online reports the death of OS/2
Chug your drink if:
- Someone points to the box on the shelf and says to you, "Does that, like, run under Windows 95?"
- You've ever created a REXX script that will let you vote for OS/2 over and over again on a web poll
- You've been accused of creating a REXX script that lets you vote for OS/2 over and over again on a web poll
- You win the big bar of chocolate
- You've ever insulted Warp City
- You've ever defended Warp City
- You're a member of Warp City
- You've ever been refused membership to Warp City
- Your membership at Warp City was revoked
- You think you know who "The OS/2 Guy" really is
- "The OS/2 Guy" reports the death of OS/2
Take a break if:
- The Macaw parrots turn to you and say "Hey buddy, give us a rest will ya? My beak and feathers are killing me!"
- You like the idea of software companies announcing their products three years in advance because it gives you enough time to save your money for the upgrade
- You've ever wanted people to describe you as a "Cyber cowboy"
- You're really sorry Ginger Spice left the group because now your Desktop background wallpaper is inaccurate
- Dan Rather reports the death of OS/2
Chris Wenham is the Senior Editor of OS/2 e-Zine! -- a promotion from Assistant Editor which means his parking spot will now be wide enough to keep his bicycle and a trailer.