Nethead's Nook- by Brandon Fesler

WHAM!

ZAP! KABOOM!

POW!

You filthy rotten furry spaghetti-o eating Drengen fiend! Here comes a big shiny plasma bolt right were it counts!!! ZZZZT!!!!

Hope you didn't want to continue your race!

Now, you too, Empire, shall feel the fires of my...

Uh, hi!

I didn't expect you to come in here so soon... ahhh... uhhh... let me turn this game off.

I suppose you'd like to see what I've written especially for you this month. Well, it's a looney chunk of cheese, guaranteed to be the absolute last thing you'd want to read.

Here it comes, get ready.

The Press Release

Hi there, my name is Suxupto Beegee.
There's a little misunderstanding between you and me.

People ask me why I write down about OS/2.
It's because of the lack of support from good ol' Big Blue.

I know you want to say that isn't true.
Well, here's an example I'll give to you.

I used to write good articles about IBM's stuff.
But then I found their "thank you's" weren't quite enough.

I wrote a good line about the new Plug and Play.
I'm driving a Porsche around the very next day!

Then when I raved about that obsolete goat?
Check out my new electric blue 20-foot boat.

Yep, press life has really been good to me,
As long as I support the stagnating monopoly.

What about truth? Well, listen here honey.
You readers don't pay me nothing in money.

So if you want the truth, go find it yourself!
I'm far too busy, I've got monopoly to sell.

Response

(NetHead's formal, well articulated response to Mr. Beegee, in terse format)

Thpppppppppppppt!!!

Comment on the News

The OS/2 Warp Teleseminar III has been delayed until later this summer, apparently due to the huge response received by the Merlin beta. Reports are now coming in that IBM turned over the teleseminar to its marketing department, which has decided that "for the best interests of everyone involved" it will now be held on a Monday at 3 AM.

The Joke of the Month

Q. When will IBM fix the Single Input Queue?

A. When the machine the code is located on stops locking up.

A Thought

The Chinese phrase for satire literally means "humor with knives". I hope when you read these articles that you get the true point. You don't change the things that are wrong unless you address them. Satire does a great job of the addressing, but it is up to you, me, and especially IBM to solve the problem of OS/2 being the Rodney Dangerfield of operating systems.
NetHead is a working stiff who uses OS/2 for his home PC. He plans to get his Internet provider to give him CGI access soon so he can post his home page. Stay tuned.

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