The Chronicles of John Ominor- by John Ominor, The Inhuman

You are all on the cusp of an new era, and I, John Ominor, will lead you, kicking and screaming, if need be, into it. Even now, Ominor prepares to release a set of initiatives to use in this the new order.

Behold... The SynthoGlatt.

"But, Mighty One," you inquire, "What is this creation? I do not understand." Of course not. You are not The Inhuman. Ominor will now explain. Humans are imperfect. Weak. Inflexible. Incapable of even the most basic tenets of reason. Worst of all, once a human is created, it is difficult to modify his behavior... to extend and improve upon it. Would that Homo sapiens were object-oriented.

Ominor has addressed all these shortcomings and more by starting from scratch. First, The Inhuman has constructed a new object framework upon which to base the Homo sapiens. Next, The Inhuman introduced the PAPI, or Personality Application Programmer's Interface, a new means by which Ominor's creations can be more easily modified.

The first of this new line of better individuals is, of course, The SynthoGlatt. Spawned from the Yeast Vats of The Inhuman Labs, The SynthoGlatt will be the cornerstone, the linchpin if you will, of the new order. Imagine, thousands, nay, millions of synthetic men vomited ad infinitum, from the Yeast Vats, created for the sole purpose of furthering the cause of Ominor; thereby, aiding all of mankind.

The world's first truly disposable man, The SynthoGlatt, will be able to perform tasks too menial or hazardous for humans, such as toxic waste disposal, plutonium granule sorting, or even replace those beloved crash-test dummies for truly accurate results. It shall not be unheard of to engage in such idle pursuits such as determining how many SynthoGlatts it will take to fill The Sun.

How can Ominor afford to create so many SynthoGlatts you ask? Volume. By creating an endless supply, Ominor will keep the cost per unit to well under .000000001 cents.

The mind beckons. The body follows.

My army of SynthoGlattic sub-men will mean the birth of a truly unstoppable fighting force for world peace. No matter the weapons, no matter the tenacity demonstrated by the enemy, Ominor's endless legions will be a truly relentless, irresistible power. Armies can bomb them. Gas them. Burn them. Vaporize, atomize, or pulverize them and The SynthoGlatts will keep coming. They cannot be reasoned with. They do not feel pity or remorse and they absolutely will not stop until Ominor's truly benevolent will is imposed upon all of creation.

John Ominor will now educate all with a fable... There was once an old human who had five male offspring. Like most humans, these individuals wasted a significant portion of their time fighting amongst themselves instead of striving to better serve The Inhuman. Finally, weary of their abrasiveness, and hoping John Ominor himself would not step in to settle events in such a way that would surely be disliked by all, save Ominor, the paternal human summoned his seed and gave each a stick. "My son," said the patriarch to the eldest, "break the stick." He did. And quite easily, even for a human. The father then beckoned each son in turn to do the same and each did. The sticks were destroyed.

Most impressive.

Next, the father gave the first son five sticks bound together. "My son," said father, "you know the routine. Break the sticks." The son could not. Nor could his brother nor their brothers after him. All five sons failed miserably. How weak the humans were, failing to break small shafts of wood held together by string. Surprisingly, the father's lesson was not to teach his sons how pathetic they were in comparison to John Ominor; instead, it was to teach them that separate, they were weak, but together, they were strong, except in the presence of The Inhuman.

Imagine, if you will, five SynthoGlatts tethered together by a sixth SynthoGlatt would possess a tensile strength greater than that of even a steel girder. Perfect for the construction of new buildings and bridges. Why, by stacking SynthoGlatt after SynthoGlatt, one on top of another starting at the bottom of the ocean, it would be possible to create man-made islands.

Soon, from the stuff of dreams, reality will take shape such as mortal man has scarcely dreamt...

Next time... The Truthbot cometh!


The origins and current plans of Ominor are known only to Ominor. He is indeed a mystery to all. Save The Inhuman.

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